Conservatives, Liberals, and Social Darwinists
by Garry Cooper, LCSW
One afternoon, a client told me that he’d angrily kicked his cat across the room that morning. I immediately wondered whether I could continue to do therapy with him. It wasn’t a question of volition; I was so sickened that I really didn’t know if I could overcome my revulsion enough to connect with him. But he immediately expressed remorse, so I decided I could continue. But it was that close. Likewise, although it’s difficult to imagine, I suppose that if a Bush supporter showed me that he had some kind of genuine concern for others, or at least indicated something other than a desire to ignore, starve, exploit, euthanize the poor (or buy tickets so he could watch them fight each other for every crumb of food), I could do therapy with him too. I’m sure there are a few Bush supporters out there with a modicum of a social conscience who could pass my test; they’re not all like his mother Barbara.
John Riolo, one of my favorite agent provocateurs, is absolutely right when he points out that the basic values of social workers (and I hope all therapists), are ones that both conservatives and liberals could embrace. His mistake is when he conflates many Bush supporters, who are social Darwinists, with conservatives. I’m not sure I could do therapy with a social Darwinist. I have this expectation that when people finish therapy, they’re going to make things better not just for themselves but for less fortunate others. They don’t have to run out and join the Peace Corps, but being more sensitive to the sufferings and deprivations of others usually accompanies emotional growth and healing. Fortunately, social Darwinists never seem to seek a therapist’s help.
“Republicans believe in teaching people how to fish,” someone told me the other day. “Democrats believe in giving people money to buy food.” OK, I can live with that. But I know the guy well, and the truth is, he’d teach a poor person to fish by selling him bait at an outrageously inflated price and keeping his favorite fishing spot for himself.
If I’m going to do a good job in therapy, I have to find that spark of humanity in a client; it usually has something to do with their sadness, emotional pain, love or fear. I’m not saying they have to pass an emotional means test, that they have to prove to me they’re worthy of my insight, compassion and expertise. This spark almost always comes out on its own pretty quickly, and it has nothing to do with whether someone’s conservative or liberal.
I remember hitchhiking through Mississippi once, and this local guy picked me up between those tender, lonely hours of 2 and 4 AM. He’d gotten fired from his job as a deputy sheriff for “political reasons”—he’d "got caught burning a cross on a nigger’s lawn"--and to make matters worse, his wife was thinking about leaving him because he’d screwed his next door neighbor and she caught him. A typical backwoods redneck, I thought, but it was a ride, the countryside was a dark and scary swamp, so I kept my opinions to myself and just said something banal, like, “Wow.” We rode in silence a while. Then he asked me why I was hitching, and I decided—call it the lonely magic of 2 AM—to take a chance.
“I’m trying to overcome my shyness, learn to talk to people,” I said. “Hitching kind of forces me to do it.”
“That takes a lot of guts,” he said.
“It gets easier the more I do it.”
After another moment, he said, “Me and my old lady are seeing a marriage counselor. I’m hoping we can work things out. I don’t want to lose her. It was a stupid thing to do. It just seemed like everything went wrong at once.”
Did it excuse the cross burning? Of course not. But I was able to look underneath the hooded sheet and see a complex human being. That’s where connection and healing starts.
My friend John's right, I'm afraid. The country has moved far to the right. But as a therapist, my duty includes not just addressing my individual clients' intrapsychic needs but addressing the community and society that impacts them. If everyone locksteps to the beat of social Darwinism and are headed toward the edge of the cliff, it's even more necessary for those few remaining people with sense and social conscience to step out of the parade and hold up signs of warning and protest.
Some of my best friends are conservatives. I’ve learned to put about as much stock in political and social labels as in personal ads for dating services, where everyone’s honest, not into games, wants to hug and be hugged, is looking to love and be loved, knows how to have fun and laugh and is loyal. Most liberals and conservatives have hearts, vulnerabilities, sensitivities and social consciences, and those who don’t, don’t because of who they are, not because of their political leanings. John, you can do therapy . with social Darwinists Hey, they even have more money.
Garry Cooper, LCSW is a therapist and writing coach in private practice. His “Clinician’s Digest” column for the national magazine Psychotherapy Networker, covers the latest news and research in mental health and psychotherapy. He can be contacted at garry@psychjourney.com
Read a counter-point by Dr. John Riolo.
